Crashing Like a Satellite
by allihavetodoisfall
Summary: Pre-Dark of the Moon, during the game. Soundwave and Laserbeak attempt to infiltrate the NEST base with a shared hangover. Oneshot.


A/N: More DotM! Well this is DotM the game, during Soundwave's mission. Same idea. Does anyone else crash Laserbeak randomly? I've been writing like crazy all weekend! Here is another end product!

Disclaimer: Do not own Transformers!

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><p>Soundwave had been alive for a while, and in the Decepticon army for the great majority of his life.<p>

One thing he had learned to do was _never _to drink before a mission, when he _might _be going on a mission and definitely not _while _on the mission. A personal policy he had violated last 'night', waiting for orders from Megatron.

Boredom did very strange things to a mech. Soundwave hoped the humans wouldn't think anything of the graffiti engraved onto their satellite when they took it down, because then his cover would be completely blown, because it had been written in _English, _not Cybertronian.

He had also drunk-dialed Shockwave several times, and now his communicator was broken.

What else had he done? Soundwave couldn't remember anything save the barest details of what had transpired last night. Pit, he couldn't even remember _where _he had gotten the high-grade; just that it was all gone now.

Huh. Perhaps that was why the Autobots had cracked the code.

So, with a massive hangover that might be likened to being bashed on the head by Ultra Magnus's hammer, the satellite parasite hurtled to Earth. To prevent further 'stresses' that could aggravate his processor-ache, he had carefully plotted a course to land both himself and his sidekick Laserbeak onto dry ground, infiltrate the Autobot base, blow up a volcano and get back into space.

As he began to enter the Earth's atmosphere, something hit him. Literally. Both Soundwave and Laserbeak began to curse their horrific bad luck as the meteor smashed into the two of them completely off course. Soundwave tried vainly to make the correct course correction to get them back to landing on land, but due to a little thing called 'gravity' it was far too late.

Approximately two minutes later, Soundwave and Laserbeak crashed into the ocean, approximately five miles from where they were supposed to be. Soundwave's vocaliser had been open with the shock of the astronomical chances of a _rock _hitting them (in space) and was filled with salt water.

Laserbeak's curses rang in his mind. Soundwave spluttered the water out of his vocaliser and activated his thrusters, propelling them out of the water, causing a huge churning that was probably attracting _sharks_. Though the ancient animals wouldn't do any _real _harm to him, they might try to eat Laserbeak, and _bite _him. The thrusters should hold out long enough to—

As soon as his thrusters left the water, Soundwave heard an ominous crackling sound. Laserbeak screeched, hurting his already overly sensitive audio receptors. They plummeted into the water. Again.

Laserbeak detached himself from Soundwave's chassis and climbed onto his shoulder, shaking soaking wet wings into his creator's optics.

Sighing, Soundwave began to swim to shore.

A rather long time and several dead sharks later, the satellite parasite hauled himself and his companion onto the dry sand, which began to stick in his joints and aggravate…well _everything _in his body.

"Blending in," Laserbeak muttered. "Real nice. You're terrifying those people. Don't they work for us?"

Soundwave raised his sand-encrusted optics to look at the screaming family. "Affirmative."

Laserbeak sighed, expelling a good liter of water from his systems. "Do you think they have a car? Maybe a chopper?"

"Possibly." The screams were _killing _his processor. Perhaps he could just shoot them and have it done with.

Laserbeak flew over to them, seeing as Soundwave had no intention of actually getting up anytime soon. Well, he actually spread his wings and hoped for a good breeze to carry him over, simply because his wings were nonfunctional just then. Luckily, a good breeze _did _drift over and somehow managed to carry him over to the family, who were standing paralyzed in terror.

The spy glided over to the car and landed on the roof. Unfortunately, it didn't look like it could traverse over the rough terrain all that well, but it would have to do. And it looked _pretty. _Soundwave would hate that. Soon, some blonde chick and her boyfriend would want to hitch a ride in him, and _splat._

Laserbeak cackled, and turned to address the family. Well, he had misjudged. It _was _Dylan Gould, but he hadn't acquired a family since Soundwave and Laserbeak had last paid a visit. Instead, small two-legged animals and an old lady looked at him, pausing in their screaming. The billionaire's entourage was getting stranger and stranger. _Last time, _it had been one of human's primitive cousins and a few intoxicated social outcasts. Or, that could have been a child Dylan and his father with a few business colleagues.

"So, Dylan."

The man in question turned a very pale shade of his normal color. "Yes?"

"We need to borrow the car."

"But it's brand new!"

Laserbeak blinked.

"N-never mind."

The Decepticon quickly scanned the vehicle and muttered a 'thanks' before gliding over to Soundwave.

Laserbeak poked his creator with one talon.

"Soundwave."

The Decepticon in question looked at Laserbeak with one optic, or half his visor. "What?"

He sighed and sent the other mech the specs for the car. Soundwave transformed into an identical version of the Mercedes and revved the engine. It sounded like him on a very bad day. Soundwave sighed for what seemed the hundredth time that day.

"Get in," he ordered the smaller Decepticon. "_Now._" he added when the bird-bot shook his wings in refusal.

"But I'll get your hangover if we sync!"

"Wings are in need of repair." Soundwave wanted, no, _needed _someone to share this pain with.

Laserbeak trilled in annoyance, muttering 'slagging _telepath_' and entered the car, connecting to Soundwave telepathically. Today was _not _going to be fun.

After nearly an hour of listening to stupid humans speaking and Soundwave blowing up Autobots muttering 'my accuracy is one hundred percent' to bolster his spirits, Laserbeak's helm was ready to explode. At least his wings were working.

The Decepticon hovered in front of Soundwave and listened to orders he already knew, but were displayed for anyone who was filming this.

Laserbeak ascended to a convenient control panel and abruptly flew into it. It began to move before his eyes, in some kind of dance. Frustrated, he shot it, and the shaft opened obediently.

He flew into the shafts, managing to crash at every turn and hit nearly everything stored in it. Was it _even _a shaft? Laserbeak didn't even care at this point. He wanted to claw his optics out. Or perhaps allow an Autobot to shoot his head off.

'_Slag you and your hangovers, Soundwave_!' he shouted through their bond.

'_Autobots are monitoring frequencies,_' Soundwave said. '_Do not risk discovery.'_

'_They can't monitor this! This isn't a frequency!' _Laserbeak coughed out a gallon of water on an Autobot's head and dodged to avoid the missile, and crashed into the wall.

Soundwave had no reply to that. He chose to ignore his furious creation and show Laserbeak an incredibly dull image of what he was seeing: the closed doors of the NEST base.

Screeching in a way that only hurt him, Laserbeak opened the door.

'_How's Prime supposed to get through that door anyway? _You _barely fit inside.'_

'_Would you like Prime to be inside?'_

'_Logistics. What do I do now?'_

Soundwave paused. '_Wait until the last minute to escape, then fly above me in an extremely dramatic way.'_

'_Slag you, Soundwave!' _Laserbeak flew out back the way he had come.

Exactly half an hour later, Laserbeak watched with some amusement as Soundwave came hurtling out of a hole in the ground, just ahead of a torrent of lava, go into a spectacular flying leap, and collide into a rock.

At least his hangover was gone.


End file.
